Issue #4: Why Am I So Obsessed With My Own Shit?
Happy New Year everyone!
When I was a toddler, primed for potty training, we went to the store to buy my first plastic toilet. I suppose I found one I liked, because I dropped trow and went number two in the middle of the store. Potty training was a difficult nut to crack for me, mostly because of my rampant childhood constipation. In the months following I barely used the potty, opting instead to run around the house and shit directly onto the hardwood floor while my poor grandmother followed behind me, tissue in hand, picking up my work.
I was trained to give the details of my bowel movements to my family members, probably because I was actually hospitalized due to constipation as a child. Society says it’s uncouth to talk about defecation, but how can we avoid it when we’ve been hard-wired to think of anything butt? (Truly sorry.)
But this is not an ode to shit. What began as an obsession with talking about it has morphed into something deeper — an exploration of what it means to feel “good,” the fear-mongering wellness industry, and ultimately, survival.
Hear me out.
There Must Be Something Wrong With Me
At a cabin earlier this fall, when I was yet again forcing friends to listen to my constipation journey, my pal Simone wondered out loud if an obsession with poop may be a primal way of assessing one’s health. She’s not wrong per se. Google lights up when words like “healthy bowel function,” “constipation,” and “normal poop” are entered into its search bar.
There are things like the Bristol Stool Scale, a handy chart that allows you to assess how healthy your movements are on a scale of 1-7: Type 1-2 (constipated), Type 3-4 (ideal), and Type 5-7 (diarrhea). It was developed in the ‘90s as a tool for gastroenterologists, but I’ve seen images of the chart pop up all over the internet with captions encouraging self-diagnosis.
Homeopathic recipes abound, too. Listicles urging constipated people to consume things like buckthorn and slippery elm offer alternatives to heavy hitters like enemas or laxatives with more immediate horsepower (although, it’s worth noting that laxatives are not recommended for regular use). Still, they don’t always work. And where ailments go, big business follows.
Am I “Well?”
The wellness industry pounced on our digestive malaise, creating a laundry list of products designed to de-bloat, flatten, increase regularity, and reduce inflammation in the gut. Costs for these products run the gamut —$25, $42, $49.99. They print claims on their bottles like restoring “calm on a cellular level.”
I’ve taken my fair share of powders and pills over the years, each time hoping that I’ll emerge with a flatter stomach, a more focused mind, maybe even a full bowel movement. I’ve never seen any of the purported results, although I’ll admit that it’s been an inconsistent part of my routine.
I’m one to talk when it comes to schilling products under the guise of self care. In some ways as a beauty writer, my career was built on it. But I believe in the power of a bold lip to make me feel myself just a little bit more and if you have the money and want to indulge, by all means, do what brings you joy. I believe in feeling luxurious. I believe in self-preservation. What I don’t believe in is telling the consumer that they need to open their purses wide to live a healthy lifestyle. It’s the marketing I take the most issue with (and the thinly-veiled fatphobia), especially when many companies selling magical potions take herbs and practices discovered by indigenous peoples and sell them for a profit.
Supplements aren’t regulated by the FDA, but the organization does require notification of any new ingredient added to a supplement. The FDA only reviews these ingredients for safety though, not effectiveness. That’s not to say that all herbal supplements are bad, quite the contrary. It’s the lack of information and the unknown combinations and quantities that give me pause. “Whenever you have trends in medicine that are unregulated, it’s a breeding ground for misuse and abuse,” Dr. Rashmi Mullur, assistant professor and associate chief of integrative medicine at UCLA, told Vox.
If you think about it, these products are kind of like astrology. They walk a fine line between being vague enough to serve as a catch-all to everyone’s issues (we’ve all experienced bloating) and offering nondescript promises so that you look for results. “Lifestyle brands invite us to regain a sense of control, if only over our nutritional intake, hygienic practices, and apartment interiors,” wrote Amanda Hess, critic-at-large for The New York Times. There’s something comforting about it, I’ll admit. Preying on the fear is something the wellness industry excels at.
For Your Health
That’s not to say that getting your digestion in check can’t make you your “best self.” There’s research to suggest a strong link between the digestive system and the mind. In fact, this link has seeped into our vernacular in the form of “gut feelings.” The gut reacts when you’re in a state of emotional distress. It’s why when my partner Collin fell down the stairs, cracked six ribs, and suffered minor brain bleeding (he’s fine now) I simultaneously vomited and Type-7’ed in the emergency room bathroom.
You digest and process food differently depending on the mental state you're in, says professor and gastroenterologist Emeran Mayers, MD. On top of that, only three percent of serotonin is in the brain, the rest is in the gut and influenced by billions of tiny microbes that live there.
Mayers offers some opinions on the optimal diet for gut health. Some of his solutions include eating complex carbs as well as following the Mediterranean diet – maybe even adding probiotics to your routine. Perhaps this obsession with shit is connected to an increasingly despondent population that’s disenchanted with our failing healthcare system and an American culture obsessed with constant productivity and optimization. Now we’re overcorrecting with supplements, fad diets, and a vicious cycle of insecurity. Could that just be the effect of capitalism? Probably.
So, maybe the question isn’t why are we obsessed with shit, but how can we not be? We’re getting attacked on all sides. It’s connected to our moods, it’s part of our evolutionary biology, and the industries that prey on us are cyclical beasts that need feeding. If you weren’t obsessed with shit before, you are now.
Let’s discuss in the comments:
Let’s share our most embarrassing poop stories! I’ll go first: Once I shat my Hey Monday skinny jeans on the F train and was forced to squat over a Delancey Street subway toilet that had probably not been cleaned since 1904. The first in a handful of explosive diarrhea episodes I’ve had in this wondrous city.
Your turn.
A Belated Gift Guide!
Fair Fight Action // A donation-based gift is not novel, but needed nonetheless. Senate runoffs are January 5th with two seats up for grabs. Help Fair Fight Action with election reform. Its founder, Stacey Abrams, was instrumental in Georgia’s voter participation boom during the November election.
Hairstory New Wash // I am generally opposed to universal qualifiers but I truly believe that *almost* anyone with color-treated hair will love this shampoo-conditioner hybrid. It’s a light cream that gently cleanses hair without stripping color or moisture. It suds ever so slightly, smells amazing, and leaves my hair feeling soft and smooth. It’s $40 for 8 oz. which is a batshit price to pay for shampoo, but I justify it by telling myself that it’s maybe saving me money since you’re not supposed to use conditioner with it. That and since I wash my hair once or twice a week, max, one tube lasts me 5-6 months at least.
Hvisk Billow Nylon Bag in Lime Green // A pistachio-green handbag that makes me feel like a “working professional” even though sneakers, sweats, and fluffy socks are my uniform these days and always. Perfect for anyone who surprisingly misses their morning commute.
Rose Greenberg Squiggles & Combs Pillow // Every night until approximately 1:14am, I doom scroll through Pinterest looking at homes I will never have. I think about a future where I have a backyard, a fire pit...a linen closet!! I’ve been eyeing these pillows for a while, so much so that I turned to my partner and said: "I just want to be someone who would have these pillows, okay?" They’re frankly a little pricey for pillows but I’m telling myself I’m buying these next time I get a win at work or publish a story I’m proud of.
Fly By Jing Sichuan Chili Crisp // I have distinct memories of going to TKNoodle in the Bay Area with my family and my mom leaning over and grabbing jars of chili crisp from other tables to make sure our tub was 200% full (because each member of our family inhales this stuff). I haven’t tried this particular brand yet, but it’s been on my wish list for some time. Pile this savory, crunchy, shallot-y, moderately-spicy chili on top of noodles, pizza, veggies, or swirl it into soup for a lil’ kick.
Claropsyche Sketch Paint Palette // You know all those squiggly liner looks I do? Those are all thanks to water-activated liners like this palette. These types of products have been around for decades but used mostly by makeup artists. Recently though, the’ve started creeping into the mainstream beauty world (Anastasia Beverly Hills even launched its own set). I own a lot of aqua liners and face paints, but this palette of rainbow colors from avant-garde makeup darling Juliana Horner is a favorite because it houses pretty much any color you’d need in one convenient place. These liners give the best color payoff when you create a paste with the product and some water. Also, to avoid cracking, work in thin layers rather than laying it on thick. I’ve used it for this, this, and this look.
More things to pass the time…
500 Reasons To Love New York // This story crushed me while simultaneously filling me with melancholic joy. Carl Swanson’s ode to New York’s ever-changing culture is beautiful and the list of shuttered businesses that follows is heartbreaking. Features like this one pop up about the city all the time but it never felt personal for me until the pandemic—a time of intense grief and anxiety, but also a new appreciation of “home.” Lots of places have closed in the eight years I’ve lived here but the all-at-once nature of what New York is dealing with now is hard. It’s like coming to terms with the fact that you’re growing up and the city can’t save you. “Almost all of the places where my friends in bands gigged, back when I had lots of friends in bands,’ Swanson writes. “More often than not, you outlive your landmarks.”
Bowel Movements: The Push To Change The Way You Poo // On the topic of defection, this is an incredible feature story about the success of the squatty potty and the history of the modern-day toilet. Did you know that in the 18th century European monarchs passed stool in front of a council of people? Now you do! There are many more gems to learn in this piece. It’s a fascinating read.
Get Ready with Mi Spotify Playlist // A hodgepodge of saccharine throwbacks, emotional "mumblecore-y" anthems, and rock bangers. Here's my list for 2020 and here's the one from 2019!
While I don't have an embarrassing story, I do have an unhealthy obsession with the poop chart!
I had a terrible stomach bug and had to use the toilet in an Indian railway station. The smell was horrendous, but I was so ill and so far away from home that I was willing to do what it takes 😖